Scientific Delirium Madness

My mom kindly bought me a sewing machine as a graduation gift and so far, projects I’ve accomplished are making a kitty plushie that looks like roadkill, a wallet that should only exist in dimnesions beyond ours, and butt-enlarging pants.

Upon showing me cousin my pants:
Me: You know how black is slimming?
Me: [These pants are] the opposite of black.
Cousin: *snort*
Cousin: Instead of absorbing all the color whatever the hell this is
             VOMITS IT  BACK UP
Cousin: It’s like a color orgy in there.
Cousin: All the colors are just getting laid wildly.
Cousin: Also the colors are drunk and throwing up other colors.
Me: How can they help it on that sexy bod?
Cousin: I know.  Being sexy is painful sometimes T^T
Me: There is way too much sexy in and on these pants.
Me: I know, right?
[…]
 *** [me] sent Badonk.jpg ***

Me: I think they might be having extra sex on my butt.
Me: Look at that badonkadonk.
Cousin: Dat ass.

These pants were made with some 4-way stretch fabric my mom sent along in a sewing care package. I wanted to practice making clothing to fit my measurements and also sewing with stretchy fabric (I want to make the infinity dress), but the most I got out of it was overcoming my fear of sewing through my finger. It was surprisingly not that painful except for the part where my landlord saved the day by prying the broken sewing needle out of my finger with pliers.

In other news, while I’m disappointed that Harrisoburg is SUCH A TEASE, and we had a winter with little snow, I am eager o explore some new hiking trails in the upcoming nice weather. It’s inevitable that I am going to add more bruising and scarring to my legs. It’s part of my body I’ve come to truly accept since it’s not something I can change when I am unhappy with them. I’ll just pretend they’re badass. :]

Or maybe just try to be less clumsy.